Day #19 @Hospital | Day #39 @SinceFirstSymptom

Chhavi Agrawal
5 min readMay 29, 2021

Good Morning Beautiful People :) I heartily welcome you back to this little virtual space of mine.

When yesterday’s update couldn’t be published until very late in my day, I did start receiving tons of messages of concern, checking in whether I was alright. Though very much expected, now that I know, so many of you are actively following this blog, that restlessness of enquiries, only motivated me further, to get through the update and not break my rhythm.

And, I’m so glad, I didn’t.

Thank you, once again. I guess, together, as a transient family, we have unlocked a new purpose of this space! Keeping Chhavi going! Yay!

Anyhow, before I proceed further today, I really, absolutely, have to establish this understanding with you all.

I am going to get better. There is absolutely no doubt in that. With so many brilliant doctors looking out after me, there really can be no other outcome to this current situation.

However, just a heads-up… it could be a LONG WAIT.

Actually, the entire experience might just boil down to being a test of PATIENCE, more than the anything else…

So, feel free to drop-out anytime, and resume your worldly affairs, when monotony starts to kick in. Because, sooner or later, I’m afraid (and hopeful), it will!

Nevertheless, I will still try my best to keep you, and myself, sufficiently engaged in my daily meanderings, but, still a gentle heads-up, you might eventually get bored.

Fingers Crossed.


  • Third straight night of no sleep. Though this one was not too bad. But still, didn’t help much either.
  • Yesterday night, we hired a medically trained attendant for an overnight shift, to monitor my vitals during my sleep, to catch any abnormalities proactively. Though she did a great job overall, I struggled to truly relax, and especially, having been in that awfully stiffening sitting position for over three nights now, it was not easy to let go entirely all at once. But, there was progress, no doubt. And, we very much intend to repeat the setup for tonight. Moreover, I now have gotten a go-ahead to be in any posture of my choice, so, hopefully, we shall be sorted for tonight. Wish me luck!
Me & the awesome night companion
  • Was taped to a Holter Monitor for 24 hours yesterday (equipment to track detailed heart rate activity). The reports for this will come back in a couple of days.
  • Overall, the breathing experience is a bit more stressed (perhaps due to the lack of rest?) Have been strictly advised to not shout, speak as little as possible, and avoid all sudden chest movements or jerks.
  • They’ll be performing another Chest X-RAY tomorrow to see the status of the air leakage in the lung.


  • Remember, the old lady, my roommate, I mentioned yesterday? She’s no more. She passed away by late afternoon itself. May her soul rest in peace.
  • What was really eerie about this, was the sheer similarity of the entire episode, to the day, when my other old lady roommate (who had uncannily been in a very similar physical & medical state), had suddenly died (hours after the first one’s demise), in that room, that I now refer to as the “Death Room”…
  • Anyhow, after all, it’s a hospital. And, is full of critically ill patients. So, naturally, the probability of witnessing such incidents is only going to increase as a function of time that I will be spending here.
  • Peace.


  • Funnily, since that eerie incident, I have already had two new (both male) roommates, the current one being this overly (but justly) excited 23-year-old kid, who has very triumphantly come out of a long unfortunate stint at an ICU, and is on a rapid path to recovery! Though too loud, he’s indeed very vocally helpful, and annoyingly eager to offer me extra food supplies, that he can, very proudly, readily arrange for. I have kindly accepted the offer, and gently parked it aside. Also, he has a full-time personal attendant too, who has very kindly offered me help too.
  • So, far, so good. Just that, now, it’s a massively herculean effort, to maintain my desired level of mindfulness, and inward focus. The only new adjustment being, my ears are now mostly plugged in with my earphones, which is fortunately, very effectively, helping me control, my state of mind, at my will.
  • But, what really cracked me up, is that I don’t even know what happened to the man (in his late 40’s), who had come into the room earlier that evening!
  • I clearly remember, this overtly nervous but visibly healthy man, in his late 40-s, who had been, very stylishly, transported to the bed next to mine, by an imposing army of tall white-cloaked men, one of whom, I’m almost sure, was a personal butler. And, since it was somewhere right after my dinner time (and just before his), I distinctly remember, in great auditory detail (as all that while my curtains were drawn of course), his elaborate dining experience! Not that he had completely ditched that meek little aluminium food plate we get, but he had simply made some minor additions, like a nicely packed burger and a dessert or two. Simple.
  • After this uninteresting culinary experience, he had even willfully struck a conversation with me, the purpose of which was solely to gauge my level of “contagiousness”, as he, very certain that he was already cured, didn’t want anything to become an impediment to his lightning speed path to recovery.
  • And, then, suddenly, I find this energetic kid making all sorts of noises next to me! I’m so (pleasantly) amused, that I have NO CLUE when, or where that guy went! It’s even more absurd, because I know I was mostly in an ‘aware’ state, given my sleeping troubles. Haha. Maybe my subconscious was too smart to ignore all those irrelevant details :D or better, maybe I hallucinated! Lol. (On a serious note, perhaps he got himself transferred to a private room or something. At a very impressive pace I must say)


  • Yesterday, coincidentally, right after I had mentioned the music therapy in my post, my very dear, incredibly talented friend, SAHAJ BIYANI, sent in this recording of a song, he recorded especially for me, transferring magically, all his loving and healing energies, in this little sound clip.
  • I have been hearing this on repeat ever since. The solace it’s bringing in, knowing someone has sung this especially for you, is something that can simply not be captured in words.


What more do I ask from God?


Hor ki mangna mein rab kolo [What more do I ask from God]
Ik khair manga tere dum di [All I ask for is that you are safe]
Pal pal maane sukhve hazaara [May you cherish happiness in every moment]
Ghadi vekhe na koi alam di [May bad times never set sight over you]
Ho badar hamesha maula rakhe [I wish God always keeps]
Dhola tainte nazar karam di [My love on you his kind eyes]
Nit khair manga soniya main teri [Forever, I ask God for your well being]
Dua na koi hor mangdi [I Don’t ask anything else from him]