Heart Beats — Day #17

Good Morning Folks. Honestly, writing today’s update is feeling like a bit of a struggle, as it has almost been two days since I slept properly.

But, nevertheless, it’s just a temporary phase, part of the process, so just have to sit through it, and wait.

So, today too, I’ll jump straight to the updates.

HEALTH UPDATES

• Heart Beat Rate: Almost the same status quo, but slightly better. The rate is occasionally and steeply dropping when I slip into a deep sleep, so I have been mostly asked to sleep while being in a ‘sitting’ position. A nurse had had me monitoring all night yesterday, gently waking me up in case it was needed and periodically charting the heart rate levels as instructed to her by the doctors.
• I did get to steal a few scattered sleep spells, though all of them being short, light, and semi-aware, made it feel less like sleep but more like a sedated state.
• Medically, regarding what is happening and why, and what’s being done, I am not fully aware yet, as I didn’t have the energy to ask or understand anything yesterday. I only kept following the instructions. But, I know, my medication has been altered, and I was given additional drugs too. Got another ECG done as well. Also, was even prescribed a nice cup of coffee by one of the doctors! (more on this towards the end).
• The bottom line is, I know that all the doctors are very much on top of it, and, I have full faith it will be fixed in no time. (The adjustments are already working, as the level-drops yesterday were not as scary as the ones on the night before, which even touched 35bpm for some moments!)
• CRP value has finally come back negative, after having spent a gala time (for over a month now) in ranges exponentially beyond assigned to its existence.
• Ferritin is following suit (has come down from 1046 -> 586 -> 336 now). Still, way to go.
• Interestingly, RT PCR again came back positive (it’s been over 35+ days when I had developed my first symptom). And, that too, this time the viral load (CT value) is sort of absurdly high (18). Bleh. Not important as it must be the dead virus or maybe false positive, or maybe due to my immunosuppression history? Really doesn’t matter at all. Just the major implication being I can still not be with a family attendant and have to be in a Covid ward. So, yes more alone vacation time. Yay.
• And, lastly, the kidney functions, including Creatinine came back normal.

THE PROTESTING LADY

• Way ahead of the schedule (that I had internally estimated for her), the remarkably obstinate and unwavering protest of the determined old lady, translated into an unexpected level of activity on the floor, which then quickly got escalated, given her failing health, coupled with her stern refusal to take in any medicine, and an absolute denial to let them touch even a needle on her skin.
• The head doctor, along with his entire team, had to storm into our room, again, way ahead of their own individual schedules. But, sadly, they too could accomplish very little to break her iron-clad denial of any sort of medical service. The commotion and chaos that followed was certainly nothing short of cinematic level melodrama proportions. But, alas, it was a real hospital after all, with no scope for proper plot closure for me. Very haphazardly, and promptly, she was transferred to another room (her original demand of getting rid of that hideous bed) and whatever happened next will always be a mystery for me.

A NEW LITTLE RITUAL

• Naturally, the staff on this floor too has become pretty much familiar with me now. They casually keep dropping by and checking in on my well being. Feels nice and warm.
• There’s this very sweet woman (Ward Lady for the morning shift), Meenu, whom I spotted the other morning, with a little smiley face scribbled on her PPE kit, where they’re supposed to mark their assigned initials (to distinguish Ward Staff, from nurses, from Doctors, and so on). We both instantly clicked and I offered to her that I can ink her PPE kit daily in the morning with a little something similar. She was super excited and this is what we got for her today! And she’s been getting complimented left right and centre!

Inked her kit today!

• Looking forward to this little routine from tomorrow :) Fingers crossed.

MAGIC

• By now, I have perhaps, already mentioned a million times that how loved and blessed I feel to have so many beautiful souls looking after me right now.
• However, this one is for that special soul, who had, magically, rather, serendipitously, been recently bestowed upon me, by the Universe, as a companion, with whom you just know you belong. With whom you know you go way back. The familiarity, the feeling of being at home, you just know it. And, that’s Abhishek.
• Yesterday, he too somehow managed to visit me :) Though it was really a huge mission for my dad, and mom and sister to make that happen. Unfortunately only yesterday the hospital visiting rules were undergoing revisions. But I am so glad, the efforts didn’t go in vain and the visit became possible!

Me and Abhi

• And, with that, my quota of family visits and getting healed through their human touches, got successfully replenished, and I am now prepared for the upcoming dry spell of visitors, that their new rules are indicating to implement for such isolated wards.
• His visit, was undoubtedly, very special and surprising indeed. Apart from the usual exchange of supplies he got from my home, he too helped me arrange some stuff in my room. He even gave me a nice quick head and foot massage. Bliss!
• But, most importantly, he managed to add that poetic element, in the moment, which has truly immortalized the memory.

[Recall — the doctor had prescribed coffee earlier during the day and everyone at home was aware, and they knew I hadn’t gotten it yet]

• From the bag he had gotten from home, he slowly pulled out, a nice tall Starbucks Glass, signed with my name on it (everyone knows how I rejoice at these random little things and since the pandemic began such moments have already been a long lost memory). Poured the coffee from a flask mom had given separately to ensure the warmth is well preserved. And, gently placed this bundle of warmth in between my for now so meek little hands.
• My bloodstream exploded with serotonin, oxytocin, and perhaps a whole new concoction of happiness hormones and I have no more words to do add to this now.

And there we sat,
On the white hospital bed
He cloaked in his white PPE kit,
I clenching my white personalised sips,
He talking his usual gibberish,
and I enjoying this white moment of peace.

A brief beautiful white date… no reds, no pinks.

Bliss

Healed.
Love, Chhavi